Project 52: Shots 34 - 35

A Fear of Yours (July 30, 2016)

Growing up near Mt. Baldy has made it part of the backdrop of my life. On a handful of occasions when I've been particularly stressed out, I would get in my car and start driving up with the windows down as a way to clear my mind and gain perspective. And when my boyfriend at the time bought a groupon for the ski lifts, I figured it would be nice to actually go up to Mt. Baldy. 

When I actually saw the ski lifts, I realized that I would have the chance to get my fear shot. I knew that my desire to get the shot was going to have to outweigh my fear though. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights. I would say that I am not a fan of heights and even less so when I'm on a ski lift that was built in the '50s and upgraded in the '70s. To get the shot, I had to get my camera out of my backpack without dropping anything. Somehow I did it. 

Looking back now, it probably helped distract me from how rickety the whole set-up seemed, how high off the ground I was, and what could have happened if I fell. I've seen a horror movie involving ski lifts since then and what I didn't know when I took this shot is that the fall probably wouldn't have killed me. It would have just seriously injured me. I'm not sure knowing that would have made me feel better though. 

Growth (July 30, 2016)

Once we actually got to the top of Mr. Baldy, there was really nothing to do except eat and hike. I like doing one of those things. Luckily, while doing the other thing, I saw an opportunity for my growth shot.

It's hard to tell, but that tree on the bottom left is growing out of a rock. Now, I know that it's not growing out of the rock itself. I'm sure that there's a patch of soil somewhere between the mountain and rock crag and that's where the tree is rooted. That just makes it even more amazing though!  While I know that plants are "alive," this was one of the first times that I have ever been impressed with their persistence. (Keep in mind that ever since I watched The Happening I have been known to give some of them  the occasional side eye as well.) 

I wish I could have taken a better picture of this, but it probably would have required some climbing and maneuvering which I was not prepared to do. I had already conquered one fear in riding the ski lifts and I was not about to attempt another. 

Project 52 Work In Progress

 I started my Project 52 back in 2016. As I reflect on when and why I started it and the ways I made it work, I'm excited to get back to it even if it is almost four (4) years later. A lot has changed in my life: I got engaged, sold my condo, moved, got married twice, and had a baby. If you had told me back in 2016 or even 2017, that my camera would sit in my bag for most of these big changes, I probably would have been a little sad and disappointed that I hadn't captured those moments. 

The 2020 me is okay with it though. My self-talk has gotten a lot nicer and I've started to meet and accept myself where I am in so many ways. That is not to say that I won't change anymore. Becoming a wife (again) and a bonus mother changed what I wanted for the future. Progressing through pregnancy and becoming a mother (again) reshaped my life in ways I never imagined for myself. 

As my baby approaches his first birthday and 2020 comes to a maddeningly slow close, I'm hoping to finish this challenge. I am neither the same person nor photographer that I was when I started this project and that's okay.