How to Rock March Madness Monica-style

College basketball doesn't even rank on my list of top five favorite sports, and yet...

I am absolutely MAD about March Madness!

I joined a group on Yahoo and had to fill in a "bracket." This seemed like a pretty daunting task at first. My usual sports source told me that he knew next to nothing about college hoops and suggested either flipping a coin or copying President Obama's picks. Seeing as how the big O chose some other school over USC last year, that wasn't an option. Another friend suggested picking schools with names I liked or having Moochie and Starr help me. I ended up choosing based on names since those 2 were up to no good in the garage (probably decapitating another lizard).

It's only the first day but I'm tied for 3rd in the group! (There are only 5 members, you say? A minor technicality, say I!)


So I figured I would take a moment to share my strategy with some of you so that you can attempt to replicate my success in your own brackets--next year. Here are 7 insights into how I pulled off this unprecedented ranking:

1. I hate Texas and so I did my best to avoid any school that I knew was from there.
2. My college roommate (and best friend) went to Georgetown and so I chose them because I love her--we're like sisters!
3. Cornell notes were developed at Cornell University. As an AVID teacher, how could I not rock Cornell all the way?
4. I picked both teams that had Mexico in the name and San Diego State because they're the Aztecs.
5. Xavier was the name of a student that I thought was awesome when I had him as a sophomore.
6. The name Gonzaga sounds like a muppet that never made it into production at Sesame Street. I like it.
7. Baseball bats are from Louisville. Despite fantasizing about beating people with a bat while sitting at meetings that are a total waste of my time, they eventually lost out because I like the name Villanova better. Plus there's a commercial that I hear on AM 830 for Villanova foods. It has a really catchy jingle, "Villanova! Villanova! It's the taste!" and they make sausages--'nough said!

So maybe next year, some of you will have a little more luck with your own "bracket." Feel free to pick my brain during the off-season.

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In the time that it took me to type this, I just dropped to last. Dead last.

Fuck this shit. I can't wait until college football starts up again.