It has been over 3 years since I marched in the Hollywood Me Too Survivors March. I vividly remember staying up late the night before Googling how to take photos at a protest/march and fueled by a mix of excitement and energy as the night wore on. A lot has happened since then and this past summer I stumbled across the photos in Lightroom. I didn't have time to edit them at that particular moment but I distinctly remember feeling a rush of emotions as I scrolled through them. On the day of the march itself, I recall my emotions being just below the surface and focusing on taking photos was a welcome distraction. Viewing everything through my viewfinder allowed me to minimize my own emotions in the same way that the images and scenes before me were reduced in size and seemingly taken from a safe distance despite my proximity to them. My camera helped me keep my emotions at bay that day but as I viewed the shots 3 years later, there was no escaping the emotional waves that came rolling in.
Once I finally had the chance to sit down and edit my photos, I was able to revisit and process some of my emotions. As I navigated them, I did my best to stay focused on using the workflow of rating, editing, picking, etc. that I have slowly been developing over time. I have watched enough Lightroom tutorials to now have a basic understanding of what it can do but it is only as I work on the final revisions of this post that I realize I should have started with that before I even rated my first photo. If you don't start with that understanding, knowing what all the sliders and buttons can do seems pointless. As I reflect on this editing session, a desire to convey the energy and emotions of that day seems to be what was driving me subconsciously. I believe it was right there below the surface in the same way that my emotions were that day in November. My edits for these photos were mainly using Auto Tone and cropping them. Was it that I didn't know what else to do with them? Or was that enough to enhance them while preserving their emotional rawness? Maybe it was a little of both, but the next time I edit photos, I will be more intentional as I think about my desired visual outcomes before selecting any photos.
The sky was gray that day and so I didn't have my usual measurement of knowing whether or not my shots were on track in terms of exposure. To be honest, there were very few shots that even showed the sky. The shot below is one of the few that did and I wonder how different it would have been with a blue sky in the left corner behind the palm trees. Nevertheless, I like this shot for a number of reasons: the message on the sign, the distinctly So Cal palm trees amid the buildings, and the variety of directions people are facing. I think that last part especially speaks to our perspectives and our attention spans and the constant barrage of messages that surrounds us. I was curious to see how the shot would look in black and white. I think I like it better without color for two reasons: 1) it looks more timeless (that's part of the effect of black and white, I know) and 2) I think it brings the focus to the sign and the message which really is what I like the most about the shot to begin with.
I developed the photos below in black and white for similar reasons. I debated cropping the pedestrian sign but then I would have lost the women in the bottom left. Looking back now, it's hard to see them so maybe black and white wasn't the best option for this one. In the other shot, the young lady's sign was on cardboard so it lost some of its pop when I made it black and white. I was hoping that doing so would bring the focus on her. I'm not entirely convinced that black and white was the right call for this one either but at least now I have some things to consider the next time I'm in the Develop module with my mouse hovering over black and white.
I have also learned you can rename your exports based on the folder you move them into and I did that for the 7 photos I exported initially. I say "initially" because I forgot that I had meant to turn some into black and white. As a result of this, I ended up having to make sure that I started my second set of exports at the right number or else I'm pretty sure I would have overwritten some of my previous images. Again, something I need to consider (and write down!) at the start of my next editing session.
As I took photos, I didn't really have time to read all the signs closely. Especially this one:
I don't know what compelled me to take this shot. Based on its position in my Filmstrip and the people in the background, I must have taken it before we started marching. It was only when I sat down to edit my photos that I finally read the entire sign. I was saddened to see that a show I loved in my youth had been an unwelcoming environment for a fellow Latina. After Googling Vanessa Marquez, I learned that she was also Ana (the nerdy girl) in
Stand and Deliver, and I was heartbroken to find out what happened to her. I don't know who this woman is, but stoic and strong, she stood for Vanessa that day. Knowing what I know about the protocol for being "awarded" a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I doubt Vanessa will ever have one, but on the morning of November 12th, 2017, part of her story was told nonetheless.
As I mentioned before, I hid behind my camera that day. I wasn't prepared to fully confront my own feelings and things moved so quickly that there was really no time to notice all the emotions of that morning. The camera caught them though. It was only when I was editing that I noticed this photo:
I don't know who this woman is or what exactly led up to this, but I caught this moment of deep emotions. A part of me feels badly for having captured something so intimate and personal--especially when I was intentionally keeping myself from engaging emotionally. I remember some of the chants from that day and there was one in particular that I remember desperately wanting to say, but fear held me back. Voicing those words would have resulted with me being emotionally swept away and I was scared to lose it on a street in Hollywood.
I see now that my camera was both a life preserver and an anchor that day.
The photo below was almost the mother from Titanic. I don't really remember any of the other speakers from that day and she was probably the most high profile celebrity to speak. As I went through my shots, I discovered that I had some of Tarana Burke, the founder of the Me Too movement, and I knew that I needed to share one of those instead.
The setup of all my shots was essentially the same, but I ultimately liked this one the best for a number of reasons. I have seen other photos from that day where the backdrop fills the space behind her, but I like mine better because it shows the true odds of what we're up against. Our voices that day were competing with (and maybe even drowned out by) all the signs and symbols of Hollywood and the movie/media industry. No matter what we said that morning, money spoke--and continues to speak--louder. I like to think my shot captures this. The true background is an iconic movie marquee, a reminder of how fake much of what we see on screens is. I also like how prominent the woman in the foreground is. She serves as a visual warning: young women are watching. Back then, it felt like no one was listening, but I have to hope and believe that things are changing. After all, three years later, I'm now a boy mom who is about to watch the first female vice-president be inaugurated.
Do I think I have any iconic photos? Nope. Was I hoping that I would take one? Absolutely. I would be lying if I tried to deny that I wanted to walk away with one shot that encapsulated everything--from the energy to the emotion--from that day. Looking back now, maybe that was never possible. I hope that, at the very least, I've captured and conveyed a small sense of what it was like to be there in November of 2017. I've grown and changed immensely since that day, and I'm truly glad that so much time elapsed between the time that I shot and edited the photos. I firmly believe that 2021 Monica was able to edit and appreciate the shots in a way that 2017 Monica would not have been able to do. Please know that the photos I included here are just a small representation of the different signs, messages, and, ultimately, stories that were present that day. The image below captures what I hope was a cathartic moment for one of my fellow marchers:
My own catharsis was years in the making, but it started on that day.
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