Project 52: Shots 34 - 35

A Fear of Yours (July 30, 2016)

Growing up near Mt. Baldy has made it part of the backdrop of my life. On a handful of occasions when I've been particularly stressed out, I would get in my car and start driving up with the windows down as a way to clear my mind and gain perspective. And when my boyfriend at the time bought a groupon for the ski lifts, I figured it would be nice to actually go up to Mt. Baldy. 

When I actually saw the ski lifts, I realized that I would have the chance to get my fear shot. I knew that my desire to get the shot was going to have to outweigh my fear though. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights. I would say that I am not a fan of heights and even less so when I'm on a ski lift that was built in the '50s and upgraded in the '70s. To get the shot, I had to get my camera out of my backpack without dropping anything. Somehow I did it. 

Looking back now, it probably helped distract me from how rickety the whole set-up seemed, how high off the ground I was, and what could have happened if I fell. I've seen a horror movie involving ski lifts since then and what I didn't know when I took this shot is that the fall probably wouldn't have killed me. It would have just seriously injured me. I'm not sure knowing that would have made me feel better though. 

Growth (July 30, 2016)

Once we actually got to the top of Mr. Baldy, there was really nothing to do except eat and hike. I like doing one of those things. Luckily, while doing the other thing, I saw an opportunity for my growth shot.

It's hard to tell, but that tree on the bottom left is growing out of a rock. Now, I know that it's not growing out of the rock itself. I'm sure that there's a patch of soil somewhere between the mountain and rock crag and that's where the tree is rooted. That just makes it even more amazing though!  While I know that plants are "alive," this was one of the first times that I have ever been impressed with their persistence. (Keep in mind that ever since I watched The Happening I have been known to give some of them  the occasional side eye as well.) 

I wish I could have taken a better picture of this, but it probably would have required some climbing and maneuvering which I was not prepared to do. I had already conquered one fear in riding the ski lifts and I was not about to attempt another. 

Project 52: Shot 33

A Loved One's Greatest Feature (July 23, 2016)

This is now the second time that I have shown Randy cooking on this blog. (Prior to this, he had been the subject of Shot 15.) This shot however focuses on one of my favorite feature of his though: his hands. 

These hands are two years older than mine and have done so much for his family.  I wrote this post  about four years after taking the photo and edited it six months later.  On top of everything he has done prior to even meeting and marrying me, there has been so much else since then.

These hands have held my hands at our weddings. (Both of them). They have transformed our house from an old lady cottage into a ranch house that is more reflective of our shared style and interests. Every week they maintain our front and back yards. In addition to that, these hands have turned our backyard into a place where our boys can go outside and play and develop. These hands roll out the trashcans every week and bring them back in. These hands are adept at making breakfast burritos during the week and much more elaborate breakfasts on weekends. 

Over the course of my pregnancy, his hands held mine during ultrasounds and, then eventually, while I gave birth to our baby. In the time since then, his hands have held our our son and changed diapers. Over time, his hands have helped me feed the baby as he started solids and as I weaned. Most recently, his hands have held our son's as he learns to walk with confidence.

My husband's love language is Acts of Service and his hands are the best representation of that love.

Thoughts and Shots: November 12, 2017

It has been over 3 years since I marched in the Hollywood Me Too Survivors March. I vividly remember staying up late the night before Googling how to take photos at a protest/march and fueled by a mix of excitement and energy as the night wore on. A lot has happened since then and this past summer I stumbled across the photos in Lightroom. I didn't have time to edit them at that particular moment but I distinctly remember feeling a rush of emotions as I scrolled through them. On the day of the march itself, I recall my emotions being just below the surface and focusing on taking photos was a welcome distraction. Viewing everything through my viewfinder allowed me to minimize my own emotions in the same way that the images and scenes before me were reduced in size and seemingly taken from a safe distance despite my proximity to them. My camera helped me keep my emotions at bay that day but as I viewed the shots 3 years later, there was no escaping the emotional waves that came rolling in. 

Once I finally had the chance to sit down and edit my photos, I was able to revisit and process some of my emotions. As I navigated them, I did my best to stay focused on using the workflow of rating, editing, picking, etc. that I have slowly been developing over time. I have watched enough Lightroom tutorials to now have a basic understanding of what it can do but it is only as I work on the final revisions of this post that I realize I should have started with that before I even rated my first photo. If you don't start with that understanding, knowing what all the sliders and buttons can do seems pointless. As I reflect on this editing session, a desire to convey the energy and emotions of that day seems to be what was driving me subconsciously. I believe it was right there below the surface in the same way that my emotions were that day in November. My edits for these photos were mainly using Auto Tone and cropping them. Was it that I didn't know what else to do with them? Or was that enough to enhance them while preserving their emotional rawness? Maybe it was a little of both, but the next time I edit photos, I will be more intentional as I think about my desired visual outcomes before selecting any photos.  

The sky was gray that day and so I didn't have my usual measurement of knowing whether or not my shots were on track in terms of exposure. To be honest, there were very few shots that even showed the sky. The shot below is one of the few that did and I wonder how different it would have been with a blue sky in the left corner behind the palm trees. Nevertheless, I like this shot for a number of reasons: the message on the sign, the distinctly So Cal palm trees amid the buildings, and the variety of directions people are facing. I think that last part especially speaks to our perspectives and our attention spans and the constant barrage of messages that surrounds us. I was curious to see how the shot would look in black and white. I think I like it better without color for two reasons: 1) it looks more timeless (that's part of the effect of black and white, I know) and 2) I think it brings the focus to the sign and the message which really is what I like the most about the shot to begin with.

 

I developed the photos below in black and white for similar reasons. I debated cropping the pedestrian sign but then I would have lost the women in the bottom left. Looking back now, it's hard to see them so maybe black and white wasn't the best option for this one. In the other shot, the young lady's sign was on cardboard so it lost some of its pop when I made it black and white. I was hoping that doing so would bring the focus on her. I'm not entirely convinced that black and white was the right call for this one either but at least now I have some things to consider the next time I'm in the Develop module with my mouse hovering over black and white. 

 

I have also learned you can rename your exports based on the folder you move them into and I did that for the 7 photos I exported initially. I say "initially" because I forgot that I had meant to turn some into black and white. As a result of this, I ended up having to make sure that I started my second set of exports at the right number or else I'm pretty sure I would have overwritten some of my previous images. Again, something I need to consider (and write down!) at the start of my next editing session.

As I took photos, I didn't really have time to read all the signs closely. Especially this one:

I don't know what compelled me to take this shot. Based on its position in my Filmstrip and the people in the background, I must have taken it before we started marching. It was only when I sat down to edit my photos that I finally read the entire sign. I was saddened to see that a show I loved in my youth had been an unwelcoming environment for a fellow Latina. After Googling Vanessa Marquez, I learned that she was also Ana (the nerdy girl) in Stand and Deliver, and I was heartbroken to find out what happened to her. I don't know who this woman is, but stoic and strong, she stood for Vanessa that day. Knowing what I know about the protocol for being "awarded" a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I doubt Vanessa will ever have one, but on the morning of November 12th, 2017, part of her story was told nonetheless.

As I mentioned before, I hid behind my camera that day. I wasn't prepared to fully confront my own feelings and things moved so quickly that there was really no time to notice all the emotions of that morning. The camera caught them though. It was only when I was editing that I noticed this photo:

I don't know who this woman is or what exactly led up to this, but I caught this moment of deep emotions. A part of me feels badly for having captured something so intimate and personal--especially when I was intentionally keeping myself from engaging emotionally. I remember some of the chants from that day and there was one in particular that I remember desperately wanting to say, but fear held me back. Voicing those words would have resulted with me being emotionally swept away and I was scared to lose it on a street in Hollywood. 

I see now that my camera was both a life preserver and an anchor that day. 

The photo below was almost the mother from Titanic. I don't really remember any of the other speakers from that day and she was probably the most high profile celebrity to speak. As I went through my shots, I discovered that I had some of Tarana Burke, the founder of the Me Too movement, and I knew that I needed to share one of those instead. 

The setup of all my shots was essentially the same, but I ultimately liked this one the best for a number of reasons. I have seen other photos from that day where the backdrop fills the space behind her, but I like mine better because it shows the true odds of what we're up against. Our voices that day were competing with (and maybe even drowned out by) all the signs and symbols of Hollywood and the movie/media industry. No matter what we said that morning, money spoke--and continues to speak--louder. I like to think my shot captures this. The true background is an iconic movie marquee, a reminder of how fake much of what we see on screens is. I also like how prominent the woman in the foreground is. She serves as a visual warning: young women are watching. Back then, it felt like no one was listening, but I have to hope and believe that things are changing. After all, three years later, I'm now a boy mom who is about to watch the first female vice-president be inaugurated. 

Do I think I have any iconic photos? Nope. Was I hoping that I would take one? Absolutely. I would be lying if I tried to deny that I wanted to walk away with one shot that encapsulated everything--from the energy to the emotion--from that day. Looking back now, maybe that was never possible. I hope that, at the very least, I've captured and conveyed a small sense of what it was like to be there in November of 2017. I've grown and changed immensely since that day, and I'm truly glad that so much time elapsed between the time that I shot and edited the photos. I firmly believe that 2021 Monica was able to edit and appreciate the shots in a way that 2017 Monica would not have been able to do. Please know that the photos I included here are just a small representation of the different signs, messages, and, ultimately, stories that were present that day. The image below captures what I hope was a cathartic moment for one of my fellow marchers: 

My own catharsis was years in the making, but it started on that day.

Project 52: Shots 30 - 32

Speed (July 20, 2016)

As I started to write this post, over four years after I took the shot, I didn't remember why I was at Union Station with my camera in July of 2016. I had to search Los Angeles in my Google Photos in the hopes that I had taken some photos with my phone that would help me remember. Sure enough, Randy and I had gone there to watch The Grand Budapest Hotel on top of the Montalban Theater. 

Based on some long exposure shots I took about a year before, I knew that when I shot speed for this challenge, I wanted to do it with a long exposure. This shot may be more motion than speed, but if you've ever been to Union Station, you know that most people there are driven to catch something--some more so than others. If I could go back in time, I would have composed my shot better in order to have the vanishing point be in the actual center. Or I would have paid more attention to that in the editing and cropped it better. At any rate, it just feels good to be working on this project again . . .

A Favorite Element of Your City (July 20, 2016)

When I discovered these shots sitting neatly labeled in my drafts, I knew instantly that this wasn't Rancho Cucamonga. Partly because of the shots that were before and after it, but mostly because Los Angeles remains one of my favorite cities even though I haven't lived there in nearly 20 years. Palm trees against a blue sky are so evocative of Southern California and I love So Cal.

I'm sure I looked like a tourist standing on the corner of Hollywood and Highland to get this shot, but I'm really glad I did because I love that blue sky. When I first learned to shoot in manual, someone told me to make sure that the sky was blue in my shots because no amount of editing could ever bring that back. I have never forgotten that. I keep that tip in mind when shooting outside, and I'm thrilled to see that has paid off. I love the ombre in this shot! Even if I did something in Lightroom to enhance it, the blue sky was there to begin with and I captured it.  

Pattern (July 20, 2016)

Who looks up while "speeding" through Union Station? Apparently, I do. I'm glad I did because I love this photo. I love how I composed (or edited?) it so that everything seems to radiate outward and upward. I love the different lengths of the shapes. I even love how the light decreases as the pattern radiates out. This shot has since become part of my digital footprint. I used Adobe Spark to make it into a header graphic for my professional Twitter account. 

In November of 2015, I bought a set of gallery frames to hang on the wall by my stairs in my condo. It came with super artistic black and white photos, and I remember thinking initially that I would never be able to fill them with photos of my own like that. About two weeks, prior to shooting this, I finally hung some of my own photos in there. I'm proud to say that one of them was from this project and the others were just from other day trips to LA. Most of those have been replaced with family photos (which now need to be updated since our family has grown) but we still have some of the artistic stock photos in two of the frames that are hanging at the end of the hall. As I look back at this photo and some of the others that I have shot, I finally feel like I'm capable of shooting artistic photos of my own.  

Project 52 Work In Progress

 I started my Project 52 back in 2016. As I reflect on when and why I started it and the ways I made it work, I'm excited to get back to it even if it is almost four (4) years later. A lot has changed in my life: I got engaged, sold my condo, moved, got married twice, and had a baby. If you had told me back in 2016 or even 2017, that my camera would sit in my bag for most of these big changes, I probably would have been a little sad and disappointed that I hadn't captured those moments. 

The 2020 me is okay with it though. My self-talk has gotten a lot nicer and I've started to meet and accept myself where I am in so many ways. That is not to say that I won't change anymore. Becoming a wife (again) and a bonus mother changed what I wanted for the future. Progressing through pregnancy and becoming a mother (again) reshaped my life in ways I never imagined for myself. 

As my baby approaches his first birthday and 2020 comes to a maddeningly slow close, I'm hoping to finish this challenge. I am neither the same person nor photographer that I was when I started this project and that's okay. 

Project 52: Shot 29

A Goodbye (July 12, 2016)

If you read this blog post from February, you know that I put Moochie down earlier this year. He was cremated and his ashes were scattered in Point Loma. So when we were in the San Diego area earlier this summer, I wanted to go take some photos of his final resting place and try to get some closure. 

Things didn't start out well. We drove down to some cliffs where the water and waves were crashing and splashing on the rocks. While I love the ocean and admit that this was a spectacular display of its force and power, this was NOT the peaceful resting place that I had envisioned for Moochie. As we moved higher, the sound of the crashing waves diminished but it was replaced by a pretty forceful wind. Again, NOT the image of peace and serenity that I was looking for. 

I actually began to get a little upset at the idea of Moochie--the cat who was fascinated with water until my ex-husband and I tried to give him a bath--being there. It wasn't until we drove a little higher up and climbed two hills that I was finally able to get my shot and find the peace I was looking for. 

What I like about this shot is that you can see the water, but not the waves. I also love the hill and trees. This shot is a little more like what Randy showed me the day we put Moochie down when I asked him what Point Loma was like. Seeing those photos made me feel better about having Moochie's ashes scattered there and taking this shot made me feel the same way.

Project 52: Shots 27 and 28

Tell the Story of a Landscape. Now Put a Person in It. How does the Story Change? (July 3, 2016) 

 

Earlier this summer, the boyfriend and I got in the car and headed for Mt. Baldy. I figured it would be the perfect place to take this set of shots, but I wasn't pleased with any of my landscapes until we pulled off the road and walked (read: slid) down into what I imagine used to be a river or a creek. What I love about the initial "landscape" is that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel created by trees. Once I added the person, the story becomes one of emerging into the light. 

My other attempts at this shot didn't have what I felt were impressive landscapes and then having Randy so close in the foreground lessened the impact  even more. I'm pleased with this final product because the landscape is still telling the story and adding the person doesn't silence or mute it.

Let the Shadows Tell the Story (July 3, 2016)

I have been trying to find shadows that tell a story since May. What I like about these shadows is that they show how the power of light. No matter how tall these trees are, light will always filter through their leaves and illuminate the river or creek that I believe was once here.