Project 52: Shots 34 - 35

A Fear of Yours (July 30, 2016)

Growing up near Mt. Baldy has made it part of the backdrop of my life. On a handful of occasions when I've been particularly stressed out, I would get in my car and start driving up with the windows down as a way to clear my mind and gain perspective. And when my boyfriend at the time bought a groupon for the ski lifts, I figured it would be nice to actually go up to Mt. Baldy. 

When I actually saw the ski lifts, I realized that I would have the chance to get my fear shot. I knew that my desire to get the shot was going to have to outweigh my fear though. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights. I would say that I am not a fan of heights and even less so when I'm on a ski lift that was built in the '50s and upgraded in the '70s. To get the shot, I had to get my camera out of my backpack without dropping anything. Somehow I did it. 

Looking back now, it probably helped distract me from how rickety the whole set-up seemed, how high off the ground I was, and what could have happened if I fell. I've seen a horror movie involving ski lifts since then and what I didn't know when I took this shot is that the fall probably wouldn't have killed me. It would have just seriously injured me. I'm not sure knowing that would have made me feel better though. 

Growth (July 30, 2016)

Once we actually got to the top of Mr. Baldy, there was really nothing to do except eat and hike. I like doing one of those things. Luckily, while doing the other thing, I saw an opportunity for my growth shot.

It's hard to tell, but that tree on the bottom left is growing out of a rock. Now, I know that it's not growing out of the rock itself. I'm sure that there's a patch of soil somewhere between the mountain and rock crag and that's where the tree is rooted. That just makes it even more amazing though!  While I know that plants are "alive," this was one of the first times that I have ever been impressed with their persistence. (Keep in mind that ever since I watched The Happening I have been known to give some of them  the occasional side eye as well.) 

I wish I could have taken a better picture of this, but it probably would have required some climbing and maneuvering which I was not prepared to do. I had already conquered one fear in riding the ski lifts and I was not about to attempt another. 

Project 52: Shot 33

A Loved One's Greatest Feature (July 23, 2016)

This is now the second time that I have shown Randy cooking on this blog. (Prior to this, he had been the subject of Shot 15.) This shot however focuses on one of my favorite feature of his though: his hands. 

These hands are two years older than mine and have done so much for his family.  I wrote this post  about four years after taking the photo and edited it six months later.  On top of everything he has done prior to even meeting and marrying me, there has been so much else since then.

These hands have held my hands at our weddings. (Both of them). They have transformed our house from an old lady cottage into a ranch house that is more reflective of our shared style and interests. Every week they maintain our front and back yards. In addition to that, these hands have turned our backyard into a place where our boys can go outside and play and develop. These hands roll out the trashcans every week and bring them back in. These hands are adept at making breakfast burritos during the week and much more elaborate breakfasts on weekends. 

Over the course of my pregnancy, his hands held mine during ultrasounds and, then eventually, while I gave birth to our baby. In the time since then, his hands have held our our son and changed diapers. Over time, his hands have helped me feed the baby as he started solids and as I weaned. Most recently, his hands have held our son's as he learns to walk with confidence.

My husband's love language is Acts of Service and his hands are the best representation of that love.

Thoughts and Shots: November 12, 2017

It has been over 3 years since I marched in the Hollywood Me Too Survivors March. I vividly remember staying up late the night before Googling how to take photos at a protest/march and fueled by a mix of excitement and energy as the night wore on. A lot has happened since then and this past summer I stumbled across the photos in Lightroom. I didn't have time to edit them at that particular moment but I distinctly remember feeling a rush of emotions as I scrolled through them. On the day of the march itself, I recall my emotions being just below the surface and focusing on taking photos was a welcome distraction. Viewing everything through my viewfinder allowed me to minimize my own emotions in the same way that the images and scenes before me were reduced in size and seemingly taken from a safe distance despite my proximity to them. My camera helped me keep my emotions at bay that day but as I viewed the shots 3 years later, there was no escaping the emotional waves that came rolling in. 

Once I finally had the chance to sit down and edit my photos, I was able to revisit and process some of my emotions. As I navigated them, I did my best to stay focused on using the workflow of rating, editing, picking, etc. that I have slowly been developing over time. I have watched enough Lightroom tutorials to now have a basic understanding of what it can do but it is only as I work on the final revisions of this post that I realize I should have started with that before I even rated my first photo. If you don't start with that understanding, knowing what all the sliders and buttons can do seems pointless. As I reflect on this editing session, a desire to convey the energy and emotions of that day seems to be what was driving me subconsciously. I believe it was right there below the surface in the same way that my emotions were that day in November. My edits for these photos were mainly using Auto Tone and cropping them. Was it that I didn't know what else to do with them? Or was that enough to enhance them while preserving their emotional rawness? Maybe it was a little of both, but the next time I edit photos, I will be more intentional as I think about my desired visual outcomes before selecting any photos.  

The sky was gray that day and so I didn't have my usual measurement of knowing whether or not my shots were on track in terms of exposure. To be honest, there were very few shots that even showed the sky. The shot below is one of the few that did and I wonder how different it would have been with a blue sky in the left corner behind the palm trees. Nevertheless, I like this shot for a number of reasons: the message on the sign, the distinctly So Cal palm trees amid the buildings, and the variety of directions people are facing. I think that last part especially speaks to our perspectives and our attention spans and the constant barrage of messages that surrounds us. I was curious to see how the shot would look in black and white. I think I like it better without color for two reasons: 1) it looks more timeless (that's part of the effect of black and white, I know) and 2) I think it brings the focus to the sign and the message which really is what I like the most about the shot to begin with.

 

I developed the photos below in black and white for similar reasons. I debated cropping the pedestrian sign but then I would have lost the women in the bottom left. Looking back now, it's hard to see them so maybe black and white wasn't the best option for this one. In the other shot, the young lady's sign was on cardboard so it lost some of its pop when I made it black and white. I was hoping that doing so would bring the focus on her. I'm not entirely convinced that black and white was the right call for this one either but at least now I have some things to consider the next time I'm in the Develop module with my mouse hovering over black and white. 

 

I have also learned you can rename your exports based on the folder you move them into and I did that for the 7 photos I exported initially. I say "initially" because I forgot that I had meant to turn some into black and white. As a result of this, I ended up having to make sure that I started my second set of exports at the right number or else I'm pretty sure I would have overwritten some of my previous images. Again, something I need to consider (and write down!) at the start of my next editing session.

As I took photos, I didn't really have time to read all the signs closely. Especially this one:

I don't know what compelled me to take this shot. Based on its position in my Filmstrip and the people in the background, I must have taken it before we started marching. It was only when I sat down to edit my photos that I finally read the entire sign. I was saddened to see that a show I loved in my youth had been an unwelcoming environment for a fellow Latina. After Googling Vanessa Marquez, I learned that she was also Ana (the nerdy girl) in Stand and Deliver, and I was heartbroken to find out what happened to her. I don't know who this woman is, but stoic and strong, she stood for Vanessa that day. Knowing what I know about the protocol for being "awarded" a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I doubt Vanessa will ever have one, but on the morning of November 12th, 2017, part of her story was told nonetheless.

As I mentioned before, I hid behind my camera that day. I wasn't prepared to fully confront my own feelings and things moved so quickly that there was really no time to notice all the emotions of that morning. The camera caught them though. It was only when I was editing that I noticed this photo:

I don't know who this woman is or what exactly led up to this, but I caught this moment of deep emotions. A part of me feels badly for having captured something so intimate and personal--especially when I was intentionally keeping myself from engaging emotionally. I remember some of the chants from that day and there was one in particular that I remember desperately wanting to say, but fear held me back. Voicing those words would have resulted with me being emotionally swept away and I was scared to lose it on a street in Hollywood. 

I see now that my camera was both a life preserver and an anchor that day. 

The photo below was almost the mother from Titanic. I don't really remember any of the other speakers from that day and she was probably the most high profile celebrity to speak. As I went through my shots, I discovered that I had some of Tarana Burke, the founder of the Me Too movement, and I knew that I needed to share one of those instead. 

The setup of all my shots was essentially the same, but I ultimately liked this one the best for a number of reasons. I have seen other photos from that day where the backdrop fills the space behind her, but I like mine better because it shows the true odds of what we're up against. Our voices that day were competing with (and maybe even drowned out by) all the signs and symbols of Hollywood and the movie/media industry. No matter what we said that morning, money spoke--and continues to speak--louder. I like to think my shot captures this. The true background is an iconic movie marquee, a reminder of how fake much of what we see on screens is. I also like how prominent the woman in the foreground is. She serves as a visual warning: young women are watching. Back then, it felt like no one was listening, but I have to hope and believe that things are changing. After all, three years later, I'm now a boy mom who is about to watch the first female vice-president be inaugurated. 

Do I think I have any iconic photos? Nope. Was I hoping that I would take one? Absolutely. I would be lying if I tried to deny that I wanted to walk away with one shot that encapsulated everything--from the energy to the emotion--from that day. Looking back now, maybe that was never possible. I hope that, at the very least, I've captured and conveyed a small sense of what it was like to be there in November of 2017. I've grown and changed immensely since that day, and I'm truly glad that so much time elapsed between the time that I shot and edited the photos. I firmly believe that 2021 Monica was able to edit and appreciate the shots in a way that 2017 Monica would not have been able to do. Please know that the photos I included here are just a small representation of the different signs, messages, and, ultimately, stories that were present that day. The image below captures what I hope was a cathartic moment for one of my fellow marchers: 

My own catharsis was years in the making, but it started on that day.