Thursday, March 18, 2010

How to Rock March Madness Monica-style

College basketball doesn't even rank on my list of top five favorite sports, and yet...

I am absolutely MAD about March Madness!

I joined a group on Yahoo and had to fill in a "bracket." This seemed like a pretty daunting task at first. My usual sports source told me that he knew next to nothing about college hoops and suggested either flipping a coin or copying President Obama's picks. Seeing as how the big O chose some other school over USC last year, that wasn't an option. Another friend suggested picking schools with names I liked or having Moochie and Starr help me. I ended up choosing based on names since those 2 were up to no good in the garage (probably decapitating another lizard).

It's only the first day but I'm tied for 3rd in the group! (There are only 5 members, you say? A minor technicality, say I!)

So I figured I would take a moment to share my strategy with some of you so that you can attempt to replicate my success in your own brackets--next year. Here are 7 insights into how I pulled off this unprecedented ranking:

  1. I hate Texas and so I did my best to avoid any school that I knew was from there.
  2. My college roommate (and best friend) went to Georgetown and so I chose them because I love her--we're like sisters!
  3. Cornell notes were developed at Cornell University. As an AVID teacher, how could I not rock Cornell all the way?
  4. I picked both teams that had Mexico in the name and San Diego State because they're the Aztecs.
  5. Xavier was the name of a student that I thought was awesome when I had him as a sophomore.
  6. The name Gonzaga sounds like a muppet that never made it into production at Sesame Street. I like it.
  7. Baseball bats are from Louisville. Despite fantasizing about beating people with a bat while sitting at meetings that are a total waste of my time, they eventually lost out because I like the name Villanova better. Plus there's a commercial that I hear on AM 830 for Villanova foods. It has a really catchy jingle, "Villanova! Villanova! It's the taste!" and they make sausages--'nough said!

So maybe next year, some of you will have a little more luck with your own "bracket." Feel free to pick my brain during the off-season.

* * *

In the time that it took me to type this, I just dropped to last. Dead last.

Fuck this shit. I can't wait until college football starts up again.


  1. ;D ! LMTO (t= tushy) Oh no! Well, maybe next year will be different! I loved the strategy and I feel so much more informed about the whole thing, thanks!I took notes, we'll compare brackets next year.


  2. Didn't the Aztecs used to play some version of basketball that involved other people's heads instead of a ball? Or maybe I am just brainwashed by 16th-century Western European propaganda. Either way it's pretty awesome. But I'm almost 90% sure even Quetzalcoatl himself wouldn't have picked Northern Iowa over UNLV. I mean, come on.